Progress!

I've been having what feels like ups and downs with my running, but oddly my times have been pretty consistent. I ran on Monday before work and actually felt kinda great - seemed like my walk breaks were getting shorter and even though my breathing wasn't the best, I didn't feel like I was struggling as much with it as I normally do.

I ran today and it did not feel easy at all. My legs felt good, but it was already humid out (at 6:something a.m.) and my breathing was terrible. I felt like I was taking really long walk breaks - but yet my average pace per mile was 10:13 on Monday and 10:19 today. Not a huge difference. I'm kinda baffled... I know I have improved from where I started but now I feel like I'm stuck. I want to be able to run without walk breaks - will I ever get there??? Will it ever stop being so HARD?

In other news, I have been doing well with eating better. The new job helps to give me some structure to my eating habits and it also helps me with my water intake. Most days this week I have drank around 120 ounces of water which is awesome for me! I doubt I will drink as much on my days off, but if I can stick to at least 80 ounces I'll be happy. I know drinking a lot of water is good for metabolism, weight loss, the whole shebang so I'm all for it. I haven't completely gotten away from the drink packets yet, but I try to only use them for one 20 oz. serving. I usually do the True Lemon (no aspartame!) but I also like the Great Value Energy in the Grape flavor (boo, aspartame).

We are in desperate need of groceries at the house but we just haven't had time to do any major shopping this week. I've been running to Wal-Mart before work (it's basically across the street from where I work, which is both a good and bad thing) and getting their $3 salads for lunch and some oatmeal for breakfast. So I do oatmeal, salad for lunch, and a sensible dinner. Even if it's not the healthiest dinner, I just try to watch how much I eat. Yesterday, Brady and I went out for ice cream to celebrate the holiday weekend starting (I've got today AND Friday off, nice!) and we both got Playdough (blue moon with cookie dough in it). Afterwards I felt really ICK and I'm thinking it's because I've been eating so well that I've detoxed my body of junk - which is a pretty exciting thought.

Today for breakfast I ate two pieces of toast with PB2. It was my first time trying the PB2 - for those of you that don't know what it is, it's a powdered peanut butter. You mix it with water and it's a lot better for you than regular peanut butter. I was kind of afraid it would be gross, but I really liked it! Definitely recommend it, and Wal-Mart is selling it now so it isn't hard to find like it used to be.

I saw a good number on the scale this morning - I'm not going to get excited until I keep seeing it for a while, or unless it keeps getting lower. I know how weight can fluctuate. I was 174 at my highest this winter, and I saw 164.4 today! I had been seeing 166 more consistently so I'm still counting that as my weight for now... like I said, I don't like to get too excited lol. But the scale is moving and I could not be happier - I need to stick with it, last summer I was 155 and I need to get back to that so I can fit in all of my clothes again and not be forced to buy new ones! I'm 5'10", for those of you that may be wondering.

Here's a picture of my pretty mom and I from the wedding I attended last weekend:

The dress was very forgiving as my stomach is where my weight problem is and you can't tell too badly in the pictures. Note my Fitbit Flex in the picture - it didn't really go with the dress but I couldn't leave it home. I'm addicted! My cousin Jeremy (now happily married) posted manymany pictures on Facebook of his special day, and here's one of the back of Pete and me:

The older I get the more I could care less about what anyone thinks about my pale skin. I embrace my pasty! I have never been in a tanning bed and I doubt I ever will. The sun gives me freckles so I avoid it. I don't even mess with the fake tanning stuff because it's messy and just seems like too much trouble. I went for a spray tan once and it didn't turn out well. So don't be afraid to be who you are - and if you're pasty like me, just think about how awesome we'll look when we're older next to all of our wrinkly friends who went tanning too much. Muahahaha.

So who has exciting plans for the 4th? Pete has to work so we're not making any lol. Brady is going to be in the parade with his baseball team (I think, they are rather disorganized) and I babysit Chloe tonight so she'll watch the fireworks with us. The kiddo has his last baseball tournament on Saturday morning, but other than that no plans! Just to stay home and catch up on housework, maybe have a bonfire. I hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend!

Feeling Good

Yesterday I started logging my food again. I have been terrible at this - I will log breakfast, but by lunch I say "oh forget it" or start eating so much I'm afraid to log... but yesterday I logged everything I put in my mouth and did really well. I'm hoping if I continue to do so I can break my habit of overeating and get my rapid weight gain moving in the OTHER direction.

I have been doing pretty well at doing some form of exercise every day. Taking a walk, a bike ride (which hurt my backside like you would NOT believe), 30 Day Shred with Brady - but today was the first day in a while that I got back on the treadmill. Here are the results:

How's that for a decent burn? I feel really good about it. For some people it would be nothing, but for me it was a lot. I kept hearing people say that if you're struggling with running go slower, so I went with that. I walked at 4 and "ran" at 5, with an incline of 2.0. I really need to work on getting my breathing under control (any tips with that are appreciated). My first running portion lasted 5 minutes, and every one after that was at least 2-3 minutes. I tried not to walk for longer than 90 seconds at a time. Baby steps, right? I feel good about it though and that's what matters the most.

If it isn't raining I plan on getting a walk in with Brady today too, if he's up for it. I can't tell you how much I love having more time to spend with him... it's awesome.

Jess from Run With Jess posted a picture on Facebook today and I really liked it so I'm going to end today's entry with it. We're all Wonder Women!

FBF

I don't want to be a fraud. If I'm going to blog about getting healthy I need to do more than talk the talk. That's why today is the beginning of a new phase for me... it's called FBF. For those of you that don't like profanity, stick to the initials - because it stands for Fuck Being Fat.

In the two weeks since I've lost my job, I have gone in a severe downward spiral. Basically what I've accomplished includes catching up on my shows that I haven't watched in ages (Weeds, Californication, and Nurse Jackie - check, check, check). I haven't even attempted portion control, and often I end up binging and overeating to the point where I just feel sick. I don't know if it's boredom, or some twisted idea that eating makes me feel better (it doesn't) - all I know is that it drastically needs to change. The way I look naked right now is just disgusting, and I hardly fit in any of my clothes. I'm basically out of the normal weight range for my height (5'10", weighing in at about 175 right now).

Ultimate goal weight? 145 - my pre-pregnancy weight. I got there in 2010, I can do it again - but the healthy way this time. First goal weight? 155. I stayed there for years, I know I can get there and maintain it. Biggest thing for me is to stop the binging, work on portion control. We don't keep a lot of unhealthy foods in the house so I've got a pretty good start there - but I eat enough for three people and my metabolism can't deal with that.

What brought on the "enough is enough" attitude? I'm tired of being depressing. I don't want to be whiny, I don't want to be a downer. No amount of exercise is going to make up for my eating habits. I ate an entire Tombstone pizza yesterday. By myself. I felt miserable the rest of the day. It's insane. I can't believe I'm admitting that on my blog, where anyone that knows me can read it - but there you go.

Mindless eating needs to stop. Brady and I took a 3.1 mile walk yesterday, and also attempted to do 30DS. I can't get through level one without wanting to stop. That's embarrassing.

There is no way I'm going to be ready for the Cellcom 5K in May. I'm doing it no matter what, even if I have to walk the majority - but by the end of this summer I want to be able to run an entire 5K, and that's not going to happen until I make some serious changes.

I have a phone interview on Monday with a healthcare organization. It's just for a casual position but at least it's a start. The CEO of my former organization had his last day yesterday. I don't know if they terminated him or what, but if he was quitting you would assume he would give notice so I'm thinking they let him go. Couldn't they have done that before he pushed for cuts? Before I lost my job entirely? Sheesh.

Currently reading Slim for Life by Jillian Michaels. Say what you want, but I dig her. Everything I've been reading about aspartame lately has me ready to give up my Crystal Light energy packets. I'm going to switch to Crystal Light Pure and Great Value naturally sweetened. I did great on water intake for months but I used a LOT of those energy packets so I need to get away from that.

I really hope my family will be on board with me. It will be so much easier if I have support. Thankful that it seems like warmer weather is FINALLY here to stay because that will help with the "being active" portion of my life change - but food is my real problem. I'm ready to tackle this. FBF. I don't want to look like this anymore.

Music is a MOTIVATOR

Why do I constantly make the same dumb mistakes? At least every third workout I eat too much before I get on the treadmill and then I struggle throughout the whole thing. UGH. I am much better when I just have a small bite of something or just some water and then eat a bit afterwards. But at least I still put the time in! Focus on the positive.

Wearing my Brooks running shirt today - it's moisture wicking and generally awesome. If you like the shirt (the picture on there is a cupcake, sorry I cut it off but I'm all about the saying) you can find it on sale here - don't forget to also check around online for coupons/promo codes!

When we got our treadmill I imagined using it while watching my tv shows. I don't know how some people can do it, but I can NOT watch TV while running. If I'm just doing a brisk walk then it's fine, but the minute I start jogging I can't concentrate on what I'm watching. Music is my motivator, I work out much better when I've got some motivational tunes going. Here are some of the highlights from today:

Paul Oakenfold ft. Brittany Murphy - Faster Kill Pussycat
Skrillex - Bangarang
Technotronic - Pump Up The Jam (everyone should have this. seriously.)
Breathe Carolina - Blackout

My musical tastes are all over the place, so don't expect me to stick to any certain genre with my musical highlights. I also love being introduced to new music, so if there is a favorite of yours that you'd like to share I'm all ears!

I tried Greek Gods Vanilla Cinnamon Orange greek yogurt today and loved it... which is strange because I don't care much for most greek yogurt. The fruit on the bottom stuff makes me wanna hork, honestly. But this stuff is delicious. Doubt I'll be getting it often since it's kinda pricy at my local store but for an occasional treat it's great. Maybe I could take some vanilla greek yogurt and put some cinnamon in it... but how to get the orange flavor in there? Any tips, aside from putting orange slices in it?

Found this on Pinterest today and I love the saying, so I'm going to end with it:

I don't think I've hit habit status yet, but I'll get there!

Eating my feelings... Keeping it real

So I like to be honest on my blog, and while I've been doing well with logging some time on the treadmill, I have not been doing so well with my eating. I've been making better choices overall - staying away from fast food as much as possible, and snacking on fruits and veggies instead of junk, cutting out soda almost entirely - but I tend to overeat A LOT. Pete is the cook in the family, and he often makes dinner late... he's also a meat and potatoes kinda guy so his meals tend to include lots of pasta/rice/potatoes - and I don't know how to control myself. It's a vicious cycle. I feel like I'm starving, I'll gorge myself and then feel terrible about it. Where is my willpower?

I'm noticing the weight gain on more than just the scale. My clothes either don't fit or barely fit. I ignore it a lot of the time because I wear scrubs at work and I change into comfy pants when I'm sitting around the house. I don't socialize a lot so I don't have to squeeze myself into jeans that often. I lost weight four years ago and kept it off for a few years so I got rid of all of my bigger jeans. I refuse to buy bigger clothes, I just can't.

I'm not obese. People that don't know me won't look at my pictures and instantly think that I'm fat or anything. But I can tell in pictures. I can see the fullness in my face. I know that I often avoid taking pictures of myself these days (except for Pete's birthday, but ummm... I was intoxicated) because I don't like the way I look.

I'm tired of being unhappy with my appearance. I need to shut up, quit whining and DO SOMETHING about it already! I'm ready to get fit. I really am. I've registered for two 5K's so far this year and I'm still loving the fact that we have a treadmill.

But my relationship with food is different. I eat to make myself feel better when I'm sad. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when anyone else is eating. I eat because it tastes good. I eat and eat and eat.

I drink lots of water, I'll keep snacks like natural almonds at work when I'm feeling hungry. But it doesn't seem to matter. I need to break the cycle. I know that nobody can do this but me, but if there are any helpful tips to get me over the "I feel like I'm starving myself" hump I'd love to hear them.

This is a photo my awesome friend Amandalynn took of Pete and me in May 2010. I was 25 pounds lighter. Sure, the extra skin on my stomach from having a 12 pound baby was just tucked inside my jeans - but I was skinnyfat, I did nothing to look that way except be stressed out and barely eat. Sadly I almost wish stress would affect me in that way again, now it seems to do the opposite - I eat everything in sight. Whether I'm eating too much or too little, it's still not healthy. This time around I'd like to get fit and be toned, but damn do I want to fit in those jeans again.

I need to break the cycle. I can't find the willpower. How do I change that?