FBF

I don't want to be a fraud. If I'm going to blog about getting healthy I need to do more than talk the talk. That's why today is the beginning of a new phase for me... it's called FBF. For those of you that don't like profanity, stick to the initials - because it stands for Fuck Being Fat.

In the two weeks since I've lost my job, I have gone in a severe downward spiral. Basically what I've accomplished includes catching up on my shows that I haven't watched in ages (Weeds, Californication, and Nurse Jackie - check, check, check). I haven't even attempted portion control, and often I end up binging and overeating to the point where I just feel sick. I don't know if it's boredom, or some twisted idea that eating makes me feel better (it doesn't) - all I know is that it drastically needs to change. The way I look naked right now is just disgusting, and I hardly fit in any of my clothes. I'm basically out of the normal weight range for my height (5'10", weighing in at about 175 right now).

Ultimate goal weight? 145 - my pre-pregnancy weight. I got there in 2010, I can do it again - but the healthy way this time. First goal weight? 155. I stayed there for years, I know I can get there and maintain it. Biggest thing for me is to stop the binging, work on portion control. We don't keep a lot of unhealthy foods in the house so I've got a pretty good start there - but I eat enough for three people and my metabolism can't deal with that.

What brought on the "enough is enough" attitude? I'm tired of being depressing. I don't want to be whiny, I don't want to be a downer. No amount of exercise is going to make up for my eating habits. I ate an entire Tombstone pizza yesterday. By myself. I felt miserable the rest of the day. It's insane. I can't believe I'm admitting that on my blog, where anyone that knows me can read it - but there you go.

Mindless eating needs to stop. Brady and I took a 3.1 mile walk yesterday, and also attempted to do 30DS. I can't get through level one without wanting to stop. That's embarrassing.

There is no way I'm going to be ready for the Cellcom 5K in May. I'm doing it no matter what, even if I have to walk the majority - but by the end of this summer I want to be able to run an entire 5K, and that's not going to happen until I make some serious changes.

I have a phone interview on Monday with a healthcare organization. It's just for a casual position but at least it's a start. The CEO of my former organization had his last day yesterday. I don't know if they terminated him or what, but if he was quitting you would assume he would give notice so I'm thinking they let him go. Couldn't they have done that before he pushed for cuts? Before I lost my job entirely? Sheesh.

Currently reading Slim for Life by Jillian Michaels. Say what you want, but I dig her. Everything I've been reading about aspartame lately has me ready to give up my Crystal Light energy packets. I'm going to switch to Crystal Light Pure and Great Value naturally sweetened. I did great on water intake for months but I used a LOT of those energy packets so I need to get away from that.

I really hope my family will be on board with me. It will be so much easier if I have support. Thankful that it seems like warmer weather is FINALLY here to stay because that will help with the "being active" portion of my life change - but food is my real problem. I'm ready to tackle this. FBF. I don't want to look like this anymore.