Work Drama

NAFP (Not A Fitness Post)

I apologize for my silence recently. I found out on Monday that they are "restructuring" our organization now that the implementation of electronic medical record is complete, and long story short - I'm being displaced. I'm the low girl on the totem pole and I'm part time, so I'm the one to go. I get reassurance that I'm a valuable employee, but there's a chance that in a few weeks I may not have a job. I'm welcome to apply for any internal positions that are open, but there is only one (out of three) that is a potential fit for me and it's not somewhere I'm eager to go. I'm going to train there a few days next week and the following week, but the hiccup is that I can't work past 5 and this department has evening hours. Boyfriend works second shift, and in order to get to daycare by the time it closes I need to be out of work at 5. My dad travels and my mom works 12 hour shifts and "already raised her kids" so I have nobody else that can pick him up. I said I would work the occasional Saturday and I'm happy to come in for the early shift (which starts at 7:00 a.m.) but so far I haven't gotten any feedback yet so I'm not sure what's going to happen to me. I should also mention that this is the second time I've been bumped from a clinic since I started working for this organization due to reasons beyond my control. I've been cycling through various emotions about everything... fear/sadness/anger/bitter/more fear. I'm trying to hope for the best but it's hard.

So that is taking precedence in my life at the moment. I need to remember that my fitness matters too, and I need to up the ante and start eating better as well. I went through all of my jeans today and ONLY ONE PAIR FITS. When I realized that I burst into tears. I have bigger jeans in a "rummage" tote somewhere but trying to find them would take ages. I'm just so disappointed in myself.

Enough of the pity party, I know! There is a bright side - the weather is finally warming up! Snow is melting! Our driveway is a total disaster of ice/slush/puddles but I'm still thrilled. I can't wait to take long walks with Brady and Jordy, and maybe even start running outside!

Bogus Boyfriend

Struggled a bit more on the treadmill today but it was my own fault - I had a full breakfast and didn't wait long before hopping on. Usually I just have a snack and then go, and I could definitely tell the difference. My stomach didn't like me towards the end. I also had more trouble regulating my breathing than usual (I still have a hard time finding a rhythm and not having to think about it - tips are welcome). But...

I love working out, I really do. I love the feeling of accomplishment I get from it and I love feeling like I'm getting a bit stronger, a bit better, every time.

I also love my boyfriend. I really do. But UGH, was he an obnoxious pain in the butt this morning! I warned him that I was going to be hopping on the treadmill. He was laying on the couch watching TV. His excitement about the treadmill has equaled to him using it once thus far (and nobody saw him do it, so he has no proof). Instead of going to one of the other rooms that has a TV, he decides to stay in the living room by me and crank the volume up extremely loud while watching Top Gear. I could still hear the TV even with music on my headphones. It was distracting. Then he complains about me making so much noise. Thanks for being supportive, baby.

This journey would be easier if I had more support. So far I have seen a lot of talk but no action. I am very grateful for my friend and co-worker Catherine, because if it weren't for her I'd be flying completely solo.

I've registered for two of the 5Ks I'm interested in so far. The Electric Run of course, and now the Cellcom 5K in Green Bay. There will also be half and full marathons going on for the Cellcom event - maybe next year, haha! I'm very excited because there will be a health and fitness expo going on at Lambeau Field during all of this and I can't wait to check it out. Pretty sure Catherine is planning on going as well, but honestly I'll even go alone. I'm determined to stay on this path whether I have a huge support system or not.

Eating my feelings... Keeping it real

So I like to be honest on my blog, and while I've been doing well with logging some time on the treadmill, I have not been doing so well with my eating. I've been making better choices overall - staying away from fast food as much as possible, and snacking on fruits and veggies instead of junk, cutting out soda almost entirely - but I tend to overeat A LOT. Pete is the cook in the family, and he often makes dinner late... he's also a meat and potatoes kinda guy so his meals tend to include lots of pasta/rice/potatoes - and I don't know how to control myself. It's a vicious cycle. I feel like I'm starving, I'll gorge myself and then feel terrible about it. Where is my willpower?

I'm noticing the weight gain on more than just the scale. My clothes either don't fit or barely fit. I ignore it a lot of the time because I wear scrubs at work and I change into comfy pants when I'm sitting around the house. I don't socialize a lot so I don't have to squeeze myself into jeans that often. I lost weight four years ago and kept it off for a few years so I got rid of all of my bigger jeans. I refuse to buy bigger clothes, I just can't.

I'm not obese. People that don't know me won't look at my pictures and instantly think that I'm fat or anything. But I can tell in pictures. I can see the fullness in my face. I know that I often avoid taking pictures of myself these days (except for Pete's birthday, but ummm... I was intoxicated) because I don't like the way I look.

I'm tired of being unhappy with my appearance. I need to shut up, quit whining and DO SOMETHING about it already! I'm ready to get fit. I really am. I've registered for two 5K's so far this year and I'm still loving the fact that we have a treadmill.

But my relationship with food is different. I eat to make myself feel better when I'm sad. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when anyone else is eating. I eat because it tastes good. I eat and eat and eat.

I drink lots of water, I'll keep snacks like natural almonds at work when I'm feeling hungry. But it doesn't seem to matter. I need to break the cycle. I know that nobody can do this but me, but if there are any helpful tips to get me over the "I feel like I'm starving myself" hump I'd love to hear them.

This is a photo my awesome friend Amandalynn took of Pete and me in May 2010. I was 25 pounds lighter. Sure, the extra skin on my stomach from having a 12 pound baby was just tucked inside my jeans - but I was skinnyfat, I did nothing to look that way except be stressed out and barely eat. Sadly I almost wish stress would affect me in that way again, now it seems to do the opposite - I eat everything in sight. Whether I'm eating too much or too little, it's still not healthy. This time around I'd like to get fit and be toned, but damn do I want to fit in those jeans again.

I need to break the cycle. I can't find the willpower. How do I change that?

Bummers and Birthdays

This week has been a bit rough... I try to do the treadmill every other day (sometimes two days in a row if I feel up to it) but I skipped an extra day because I was up all night with stomach pains so it threw me off. The day after that I got on the treadmill but only for 20 minutes since that's all the time I had before work. Better than nothing but I was disappointed.

Today was better. TBH I wasn't in the mood to do it but I know how good I feel after - and sure enough, now I feel great and I'm so glad I did it. Maybe if I keep this up I will be able to fit in jeans again, instead of just scrubs and pajama pants!

I have been having some weird twinges in my knee so today I did a 1.5 incline instead of 2. I power walked at 4 and jogged at 5-5.2. I didn't push as hard as I have on other days but I think this was better as I'm able to jog for longer spurts! I haven't been keeping track of minutes, but I was able to jog through two entire songs so it had to be for at least 5 minutes straight! Awesome. Speed will come with time, first comes endurance. I so need to keep up with this because I see little improvements every time!

I got pretty upset towards the end of the workout... I try to keep the treadmill screen covered for the most part because I don't want to stare at the numbers the whole time. We have a clear plastic shelf that's made to go on the treadmill that can hold a book/iPad/etc. I usually keep something on it so I can't see the screen - but when I uncovered it the screen was blank! Somehow the display went wonky.

With all the treadmill issues we've already had the LAST thing I want is for the display to go to hell already! But after the workout I shut the treadmill off and turned it back on and it was working again. So I guess we'll see what happens next time. I had really wanted to see my distance though - with me being able to jog for longer spurts I wanted to see if it estimated me going farther than I have on other workouts. Bummer.

Now for some unrelated (but way better) news - today is my son's 8th birthday! Bittersweet for mom because this means no more booster seat, my baby is officially getting old haha. But these last 8 years have been amazing - I don't know where I'd be without him. We're going out for hibatchi tonight with some family (at his request) and I can't wait to see the look on his face when he gets his iPad mini! Yes, he's admittedly spoiled but grandma and grandpa pitched in on his gift too, and it's all he's been asking for for months. Plus, I would like to get all of the Skylanders and Ninjago games off my iPad (but maybe I'll keep Hill Climb.... haha).

Here's a pic of the two of us taken earlier this month at grandma's house. I'm the luckiest person in the world.

Opinions and Zombies, Run

Just got done burning 445 calories - so proud of myself for sticking with it! I was on the treadmill Thursday and Friday... Friday I noticed my legs felt a bit sore so I skipped yesterday and just did 35 minutes today (counting cooldown). Pete didn't even make fun of me too much. I've been making fun of him like crazy though. He's only used the treadmill once so far and says that he "hasn't had time" - but he's had time to watch about two seasons of The Shield. Hmph.

Some guys from Best Buy showed up on Friday to pick up the broken treadmill - they were to come between 12:30 and 2:00 and showed up right at 12:30. Since when do delivery guys come on time?! I had just gotten done on our put-together treadmill and was all sweaty and gross. My hair was in pigtail braids (yes, I'm 30 and still rock the braids on occasion) and my exercise clothes currently show every lump and bump. I thought for sure I'd have time to take a quick shower before they got here but nooo.... and to top off my embarrassment they weren't bad looking either. Oh well, at least they know I'm working on my fitness so I should be proud, right? It sure is nice to have that big box out of our hallway now, too.

Someone needs to help me stop spending money. I caved and picked up some Yurbuds to try out. At first I couldn't really get them in my ear right and they felt huge and I was thinking about taking them back right away. I kept fiddling with them a bit and then set them aside. Today I decided to actually try using them for my workout. Got them in my ears no problem and they were FANTASTIC when I was on the treadmill. Good sound quality and best of all they stayed put. When I use my regular iPod ear buds I'm constantly adjusting them and it gets really annoying so this was a win. It'd be a heck of a lot cheaper if they just sold the plastic piece that fits in your ear though - they are essentially normal ear buds with a plastic casing over them that helps them stay in the ear better. If you're in the market for new ear buds though I'd definitely recommend Yurbuds over Skull Candy ones that are in the same price range.

My FlipBelt came in the mail the other day and I've used it once so far. I haven't been using my phone while on the treadmill so this will be more for my outdoor runs.I went with the medium because it has a good stretch capacity and I didn't want to get the large only to lose weight and have it feel loose. It feels weird to put it on because you have to step into it seeing as it has no clips. I wear it more on my waist because it'd be pretty stretched out near my hips and I'm not sure if it'd stay in place or just creep back up to my waist anyway. Best part though is that even with my iPhone in the belt it didn't jiggle - it stayed right in place. So this product is a win too.

Here is the section of the post where I ask for opinions. This might sound stupid or ignorant but I'm new to exercising. My legs tingle after my runs - is this normal? I thought it was fine, just an increase in blood flow from actually exerting myself for a change, but then I decided to google it and a few things I read scared me. Stupid google. I read about meralgia paresthetica, chronic exertional compartment syndrome, and circulation issues... I'm not panicked or anything, I'm not in pain so I'm still convinced I'm fine - but sheesh. I need to stop googling everything I come across. Other input would be nice though, so please share!

Has anyone used the Zombies Run app? Camilla Luddington, who I'm currently in awe of (she's beautiful, she did the voice of Lara on the new Tomb Raider game and she's on some of my favorite shows - Californication and Grey's Anatomy) gave it props on Conan and it's currently on sale, so I'm thinking of trying it. They have their regular app and a 5K training app - the 5K training is only $1.99 right now for iPhone and the regular is $3.99. If anyone has used one of these apps, please tell me which one you used and your thoughts! Also, watch this video and see the awesomeness that is Camilla:

So many cool gadgets! Natasha = Nerd

So lately I have been doing far too much online shopping and browsing and dreaming and it really needs to stop. This is still a new hobby for me and I shouldn't be buying everything under the sun for runners. Just because I've been working more hours does not mean I should blow the extra cash on fun stuff for myself, lol.

There are so many cool things out there though! If I ever get to the point where I can run a consistent 5K I think it would be cool to get a GPS watch like the Garmin Forerunner 10. I read lots of good things about it on other blogs. But I just got my Polar FT7... I can't really wear two watches. I could invest in a higher end watch that has both GPS and HRM, but I don't like the look of a lot of them. Not to mention holy expensive, Batman. :) Do any of you have a GPS watch? Do you like it, what are your thoughts?

Speaking of my Polar FT7, I am really loving it. I went on the treadmill this morning before work, and I love knowing that I'm getting an accurate read on my heart rate and calories burned. I just wish it had bluetooth so I could sync it with apps. I'd love to get the Polar H7 - it has bluetooth capability so it would sync with apps like Polar Beat, but it would also work with my FT7 watch.

Another fitness item that is on my wishlist is the upcoming Fitbit Flex, which is coming out this fall. I currently have the Fitbit One and it's really nice - I like that I can open the Fitbit app on my phone and my information for the day automatically syncs. We recently switched to electronic medical record at the healthcare clinic where I work and it is APPALLING how much less I walk each day since we switched. Gone are the days where I'm constantly on the run trying to track down a patient's chart. To be honest it really sucks, and having the Fitbit makes me more aware of it and encourages me to make more of an effort to hit my goal for # of steps per day. Problem is, I'm so afraid I'm going to lose the darn thing. I always clip it to my bra and there are times I will forget it on there when I take my bra off in the evening. I have nightmares of it going through the washing machine. I think I would enjoy the bracelet/wristband version more - plus I love that you can buy different color bands for the device so you aren't stuck with one color! Do I need it? Nope, but it doesn't stop me from wanting it anyway. They don't have a release date for it yet though, just "spring" - so maybe I'll lose interest by the time it comes out?

I'm also loving my new Brooks Ravenna 4 shoes so much that I'm craving another pair in a different color! I guess I'm just hoping that Pete will come across my blog and remember all this stuff so he has plenty of gift ideas for my birthday in August. Hopefully by the time that day comes around I can officially call myself a runner. ;)

This is one purchase I'm REALLY tempted to make - Yurbuds Inspire for Women. I have so many issues with my earbuds coming out of my ears or just jiggling around and not staying in place when I'm on the treadmill... it's a pain in the rear. Does anyone out there have that problem or do I have weird ears? Does anyone own these? Are they worth it? They appeal to me because they are reasonably priced - I wouldn't say cheap but a lot more reasonable than other earbuds out there. Plus they are made for women who work out - they have a twist lock technology that is supposed to keep them in your ears.

Luckily I've been staying away from taking the plunge on the big ticket items and have been consoling myself with sweet affordable items like new Bondi Bands and a BAMR Band (when I saw she had Chevron patterned bands I couldn't resist - she also should have shirts made up that say BadA$$ Mother Runner, because her business name rocks).

Okay, I confess - I also ordered myself one of these:

For those of you that have no idea what the heck that is, it's a FlipBelt. I got a SpiBelt last year because I absolutely hate armbands for my phone, but it was just okay for me. My phone still made the little pouch bounce so I'm hoping I'll have better luck with the FlipBelt. Once I receive it and try it out I'll definitely let you guys know what I think!

Look - I say "you guys" like I actually have multiple readers haha. Anyone out there? This is Tasha, fishing for comments!

Trying out my Polar HRM

Used the treadmill two days in a row, and finally got around to trying out my Polar FT7 heart rate monitor! It's sweet. I like knowing that I'm getting a more accurate idea of how many calories I'm burning.

Since I'm basically completely new to fitness I'm starting off slow. I probably mention that in every entry. But seriously people - I was the skinnyfat girl that could barely do the lap around the playground in gym class. I was always one of the last ones and I would finish it walking.

Now I'm sitting here still in my workout clothes and sweaty (eww) and totally loving it. I promise that I'm showering after I write this, honest. I'm just excited - I can't wait to feel toned and fit for the first time in my life. The sad thing is, I'm all sweaty from 35 minutes of alternating power walking and jogging (and a 5 minute cooldown). Slow and steady though, eventually I'll work up my endurance. Right? RIGHT?! lol.

Here's a pic from yesterday, the first time using my heart rate monitor:

I accidentally hit the emergency key on the treadmill and shut it off in the middle of my workout (why yes, I AM the clumsiest person ever) so I was bummed because I wanted to compare how many calories the treadmill says I burned - even though I know HRMs are supposed to be more accurate. I don't remember what the screen on the treadmill said because I was watching Switched at Birth on my iPad and had it covering the screen lol.

So here's today:

 The first picture is of the treadmill screen - it said I burned 360 calories. I can't believe my distance was only 2.3 miles! I must be the slowest person alive. Seriously, my mom and I walked a 5K last year in 45 minutes and I was power walking/jogging much faster today and it probably would have taken me 45 minutes to go 3.1 miles. I don't get it - is that inaccurate on the treadmill as well or do I just suck that bad? I want to use an iPhone app to compare but don't really feel like wearing my iPhone while on the treadmill. However, if there's an app you recommend let me know. If only I had the Polar H6 with bluetooth... sigh. I'm a technology geek.

Also, let's talk about how many minutes were fitness and how many were fat burning. Only two minutes of fat burning? That's it? Is that when my heart rate was in the 180's, 190's? I'm a little discouraged by these numbers but I just keep telling myself to take it slow. Build endurance. The awesomeness will come.

I was happy that the FT7 says I burned more calories than what the treadmill says... I always thought the opposite was the case. I've been keeping the incline at 3 and switching up the speed between 4 and 5, depending on if I'm power walking/jogging. Is that a good start? I'm not even sure if I'm "doing it right" or where to begin. When I research I usually find conflicting information so I've just been sticking to general themes.

But in the mean time, SWEAT EVERY DAY. I don't want to overdo it on the treadmill so I may do some Jillian Michaels or an Xbox Kinect game tomorrow to change it up. Here is a picture of me all disgusting and sweaty right after cool down. I burned half my face a year ago (that's a story for another blog) and usually you can't tell unless I get sunburned on the sensitive skin (which I don't allow to happen) or unless I'm red faced and sweaty. So next time I should take a pic of the other side of my face instead. Or just spare myself the embarrassing pics all together.

NAH. That's half the run of reading peoples' blogs right? To check out the pictures they post!

Notice the giant headband on my head. I'm in love with it and just ordered 5 more. Hey, there was a coupon code on Retail Me Not so it was totally worth it. Go ahead and judge, but they're freakin' awesome. It's called a Bondi Band. I bought it from a running shoe store because I felt bad for having the guy help me only to have me not buy any shoes there (sorry dude). They're amazing because they keep all the little fly aways and bits of hair that escape my ponytail from going in my eyes or getting stuck to my sweaty face. They're moisture wicking so it stops the liquid awesome from dripping all over the place. You can fold the band so it isn't so wide and the best part is - it fits my giant melon, it doesn't slide off like all the Goody bands and whatnot tend to, and it isn't tight or pinchy at all! Seriously, you need to check these out. I should also mention they're only $8/piece (or $5/piece if you buy 5, which I did). Sweet!

They did not ask me to promote the product, I didn't get a free one for writing a review. I just think they rock and wanted to tell you about it.

Off to the showers!

Pete's Birthday

My boyfriend Pete turned 30 on Friday (and our dog Jordy turned 2 on the same day, haha) and we had a bar party for him on Saturday. There was a nice turn out and Pete had a great time - but wow, I'm sure glad we don't do that often. I can't hang like I used to. Or should I say I can't drink like I used to... because I sure was "hangin'" on Sunday! No treadmill time for me that day - there was a lot of napping, water drinking and Advil popping. Luckily Brady had a fun filled evening with grandma and didn't come home until the afternoon when I was feeling much better. The last time I went out for more than dinner and a drink or two was a year ago, so I guess I was due.

I really hate calling my boyfriend "my boyfriend". It sounds so juvenile. We've been together on and off since 2000 and our son is going to be 8 later this month. He's more than a "boyfriend", even though we aren't married. Boyfriend slash baby daddy slash best friend slash love of my life? That's more accurate.

So here's a few pictures from the night....

 This is Pete with his two brothers, Dan and Jeremy. They all work different shifts and Jeremy lives an hour and a half away, so it isn't often they get together like this.

 Boyfriend looks pretty goony in this picture, but we were both tipsy at this point. Yep, that's me there.

Here's another of me... I'm using this picture as motivation because you can see my tummy roll even through the dark shirt, and that's depressing.

I don't even know what to tell ya... there are 32 pitchers in a half barrel and I think the party consumed 35 by the end of the night - so man-love and fake humping obviously ensued. Sometimes you just gotta let loose!

Treadmill!

Treadmill #2 arrived yesterday, which was perfect because yesterday was Pete's 30th birthday! The box was damaged again but not as bad as the first time. We put it together after Pete got home from work last night and thankfully, none of the pieces were broken. I did a half hour of brisk walking (4.2 mph at a 2-3 incline) and broke a sweat and feel fantastic about it. That might be nothing to some people but after doing nothing but sitting on my lazy butt all winter I'm happy about it. Plus, it's only the beginning - and everyone has to start somewhere, right?

It's tax return time, so I used it as an excuse to splurge on myself a bit. It's more exciting than Christmas!

I finally went to a running store to find out what kind of running shoe would be best for me and the guy suggested I go with ones that have support. After much research and deliberation I chose the Brooks Ravenna 4 and so far I am really happy with my choice. Also - in case you were wondering the answer is yes, they ARE the most expensive shoes I own. Haha. I also included my new Polar FT7 heart rate monitor in the picture, which I still haven't used (but I've finally taken it out of the package and set it up). If you click the link you'll see it's selling for $109.99 on the Best Buy website but I got it on sale at Best Buy in Ashwaubenon for an amazing $55! I know I mentioned the deal in a previous entry but I'm sorry, that's worth repeating.

Here's a few more pictures of the treadmill fun we had last night:

 A view of inside the box... notice the other box that's in the hallway standing on it's side... that's treadmill #1. We keep playing phone tag with the people that are supposed to come pick it back up, but hopefully it will be out of the house this week.

 Here's a few shots of the boys putting together the treadmill. Brady did a great job helping his dad and was very excited about the whole thing. Please ignore the lack of trim around the door... the house is a work in progress.

 Here's a hideous shot that Brady took of me on the treadmill this morning. The dangling things you may notice in the picture are decorations I put up yesterday for Pete's big 3-0.

I'm a sucker for shows on ABC Family - judge me all you want. Being able to break a sweat and still watch my shows at the same time is pretty much the coolest thing ever (although I'm looking forward to nicer weather so I can walk/jog outside again,too).

So there you have it. Tonight is Pete's party and yesterday I went shopping to try to find a cute top to wear. Let me tell you, I noticed every ounce of those extra 25 pounds I'm sporting in the dressing room mirrors, and did not have much luck finding anything flattering. I'm tired of feeling insecure and flabby and it's time for that to change!

On a positive note, I am doing really well on cutting out the soda. I've gone from 2+ sodas a day down to 1-2 sodas a week. I've been doing really great on my water intake as well, refilling my 20 oz. bottle anywhere on average from 4-7 times a day. Not going to lie though - still overeating like crazy. Portion control needs to be my next focus, as well as using the treadmill.

Current weight - around 170. Goal Weight #1 - 155. Goal Weight #2 - 145. Ultimate Goal Weight - 140?! Maybe. My pre-pregnancy weight was 145 so if I can get back there I'd be thrilled. According to those weight range/BMI calculators, the "normal" weight range for a 30 year old woman that's 5'10" is anywhere from 132-174 pounds. I graduated high school around 133 and was basically a toothpick with hair so I don't want to get that thin. I just want to feel healthy and fit in my size 27 jeans again.

My new mantra? It's gross but it works - SWEAT EVERY DAY. Game on!